England Football Fans

English football fans cook my swede for more reasons than i can shake a stick at. Firstly, why are they such loudmouthed wankers? England won ONE world cup, and have been probably the biggest underachievers in the history of the sport. The domestic league is the most over rated in the world closely followed by Spain's La Liga, so that's nothing to shout and holler about either. So why do they shout and whoop so bloody much?

Your stereotypical "England Fan" will be seen topless with bigger breasts than Jordan at the first glimpse of sunshine, usually sporting a fag and a can of lager in one hand, and a steak and kidney pie in the other while singing some song about one of their most accomplished players shagging his team mate's wife. He is usually bald/ing, fat, hairy and sporting several tattoos from 20 years ago which are now faded to large green blobs atop said man-breasts. He is outraged that any England poof might be booked or even tackled during a game and while watching

the match through a smoke filled, lard-faced, beer induced haze, will claim that the referee is both a wanker and blind. Though it must be said in his defence that he does not own a mirror, because they're for poofs, so he has slight mitigating circumstances on that front.

Further to being what is otherwise known as a fat, arrogant slob, the England fan will list players of every nationality imaginable and explain how you can't like him because he's an arrogant Frenchman etc. And, whilst being totally oblivious to the fact that their own league is not in the same class as most others, the England fan knows his sport inside out and world wide. He will list teams, players and coaches from any era in any country somehow. There had to be a saving grace didn't there?!

Another thing that winds me up about them, is the fact that they are that mentally retarded that they can perpetuate a myth surrounding a rumour that England shirts are being banned during the world cup and even get national newspapers in on the hysterical act. What idiot dreamed that one up?

This leads us on to the fast approaching world cup, where thousands of louts are going to descend on South Africa like a swarm of lager consuming locusts and immediately begin complaining that it's too hot, the pool isn't heated, the beer is warm, there's not enough beer, they're being shot at by locals, etc.

Then they will begin causing trouble on or around the day of their first match before claiming Capello is an idiot and needs to be sacked as soon as "the best England team for several generations" starts to show a lack of heart and loses a game. The sooner England are knocked out of the world cup, the better for everyone, because they just don't know how to appreciate it