The Ash Cloud of 2010!

Well, with the whole world still at the beck and call of the Icelandic volcanic ash cloud after almost a week, I thought it time to muse some.

First of all, if one more news reader or "expert" says that the government are being over cautious one more time, I am going to call in a bomb threat during the news at 10 (this is not a bomb threat!). For once, the lives of innocent people are being put before profit and greed. Hat off to whoever made the call for that. If there is a chance the dust can turn to huge globs of glass inside the engines of planes and cause them to crash, then who the fuck is a poxy newsreader to suggest otherwise?! Twankers!

Second of all, there has been some over reaction during the kerfuffle, regarding those making their way back to the uk "under their own steam". Well, who else's steam did they think they were going to get back on? If you're in a foreign country and are unable to fly home, you are not under any circumstances a hostage and nor are you in any way shape or form in a negative situation. After all, you went abroad to escape the stresses of old blighty right?! OK I understand people have jobs etc to get back to and pets, and all the food will have gone off, but so what? You're british, make the best of it and go sit your fat arse back on the beach in your 5 year old's england kit.




















Another thing which amused me about this getting back to britain palarva was when the navy decided to let a few hundred civvies on a warship to fetch them back with some squaddies from afghanistan. In particular the old fella they had on the news explaining the "dunkirk spirit" amongst the passengers. What? Your holiday got unexpectedly extended and you feel like you're invading france old boy? Well done! It was dubbed a naval rescue mission, and the evacuation of santander among other ridiculous things, none of which it actually was. So a battleship picked up a couple of hundred civilians while fetching some soldiers. There was an evacuation plan in place, then there wasn't it was just a one off, then whitehall announced on lunchtime news the navy would "swing into action" to "rescue stranded holiday makers", though quickly retracted their statement probably after someone showed them the cost of it all.

The next victims/whinging pussies of the ash cloud were liverpool fc. Do you know, they are being forced to play an away fixture during a volcanic eruption in a different continent! Poor liverpool. The main news was that Rafa had a turn and moaned to a news conference among whom not one reporter felt any sympathy for him and then the news began to track liverpool across europe! BBC's headline was "Liverpool reach Paris on Madrid journey" or something equaly over dramatic. Basically, because there are no planes, liverpool had to get a bus instead. The journey is about 600 miles, which should take 10-12 hours to drive. Not for liverpool's team coach! For them it takes 3 days and several dramatic journey updates. I could drive it in one stint, as I am sure the travelling supporters will do! In short, Rafa shut up, you whinging old plonker!

Highlights of the cloud were the weather segments showing sunset pictures because suddenly even chavs found out that actually sunsets are pretty beautiful. And also the joke "volcanic ash: preventing terrorism since april 2010" because if you don't laugh, you'll cry.