Monday 16 January 2012

Waterproof Hanger : good to know!


Just when you think the world of random crap cannot throw anything new at you... Amazon throws up this marvel of a creation, the "waterproof hanger". So now you can do away with all of those rusty plastic ones hanging in your wardrobe and drop £12.00 a pop on a set of these babies :)


Wednesday 16 February 2011

Forget Joe Jordan, Here's 5 Reasons Not To Mess With Gattuso!

After reading The Guardian's machoista article hailing Spurs' assistant Joe Jordan as some sort of "hardman", I was more than a little confused.
These are the reasons they gave for not messing with him....

1. He got his teeth knocked out in the 70's.
- I'm sorry? He got HIS teeth knocked out. How terribly RAAHH of him!

2. He gave Brian Clough a filthy look once.
- Gattuso is meant to respect a man who treated his own boss like shit?

3. He had an aerial collision with a goalie once.
- Who hasn't?!

4. He backed down to Paul Ince.

5. He backed down to Andy Woodman, Newcastle's goalkeeping coach.
- 4 and 5 prove he's easy to mess with!


Now Gattuso, who lashed out after being goaded for 90 minutes on the field and then was subjected to racial abuse by a bigoted, racist cunt, is being chastised the world over for his actions!

If Jordan had said "you black bastard" to a black player, sure as you like, he'd have been reading his resignation today! Why is it OK for him to attack Italians and not others?

Anyway, here's my 5 reasons you don't mess with Gattuso!

1. November 2000, Gattuso punches David Beckham, doesn't even remember it... ;)

2. 2003, Gattuso kicks one man, and promises another he'll batter him with a lollypop after threatening to stick said lollypop up another man's ass.

3. 2006, Gattuso slams own coach, Lippi in the face.

4. 2009, Gattuso smacks 2 Club America players and needs to be dragged away by 4 men including the referee.

5. Quite frankly the number of fights his team-mates have dragged him out of points to the fact that you mess with Gattuso, he will end you. At least he is indiscriminate in his violence, rather than being a racist cunt.

Personally, I feel he should be commended for standing up against racism in the manner he did.

Friday 14 January 2011

Three Cheers for Facebook!

Well, I guess it had to happen sooner or later with all the meddling and fiddling they do seemingly just to "stay busy", or as I like to think, just to annoy me but, Facebook has seemingly crashed.

I had trouble accessing it first thing yesterday morning and now today I have been completely unable to access the site.

I have read somewhere that it is because someone spilled coffee on the servers, though this is doubtful unless it was done on intentionally, and knowingly where it would cause the most disruption possible. As I said, I doubt it.

For a long time now I have said that people who "claim" to be "addicted to facebook" are sad sad losers and need help, but not for their "addiction". But, having spent a whole day off work (I have a new job by the way ....finally!!) when I am used to sitting at a computer with access to facebook, even if it is just to chat to a couple of friends to pass some time, I am actually at a loss as to what the hell I am doing.

It isn't all bad though, without this disruption to my usual internet habits, I would probably not be posting on my blog as I am now, and that was one of my new years resolutions too, blog regularly!

Thanks for helping me be semi-productive facebook, see you when you're back online!

Thursday 9 September 2010

Where Have the Singers Gone?!

OK, so tonight I happened to watch "The Bodyguard" with my girlfriend and her family. Great

movie, blah bla blah. However, at one point, girlfriend's sister pointed out how effortlessly powerful Whitney Houston's voice was. So maybe in the shot she is miming, but I have seen footage of her not miming, and it is not all that different. The point I am making is, Whitney can SING!

Not just Whitney either, go back through all the great female singers, Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Aretha Franklin, Nina Simone, Ella Fitzgerald, Gladys Knight, Billie Holiday, Diana Ross, Dusty Springfield.... The list truly is endless, and this is just females, there are tonnes more male singers from times gone by who are rightly considered "the greats".

What do we have today? Pixie Lott, who sounds like she's having her bikini line waxed while singing... Justin Bieber? do not get me started!

Truth is, even those who stand out today among the crowd of awfulness, people like Alicia Keys, Michael Buble, NeYo... would they have made it among the greats like Sinatra? Could they have cut it with talent like Ray Charles? The odd one maybe, but most of them, probably not.

What has happened to make people so much worse at singing than we used to be? Is it that it is easier to make a living in a non-risky career than it used to be?

Or... are we, as a society, encouraging mediocraty on a scale never before seeen? If this is true, what on earth does the future hold for (loosely used as most of what I hear on the radio has a cheek to call itself...) "music"?

Thursday 15 July 2010

Ebuddy is not MY buddy!!

A few months back, I was lucky enough to find a contract cheap enough to allow me to have an up to date phone after having several years of second hand functional, yet unexciting phones. After some advice from a couple of techy friends, I opted for the HTC Hero, which I have not been disappointed by. It is a great phone.

I was advised that "ebuddy" was the best instant messaging app to use for Android
phones, so I quickly indulged in a free download from Android Market. At first, I was happy with the app, it worked well and was easy to use. Something important when you have your first smartphone in my opinion.

However, since I rarely use IM on my phone, I expected ebuddy to take a back seat to the "Emesene" messenger I use on my Ubuntu laptop, though since having ebuddy on my phone, every time I sign into emesene, I am confronted by their branded personal message....

"on my mobile with eBuddy www.ebuddy.com/android".

While using ebuddy on my phone, I am not bothered what adverts they decide to put in my status, but when I am using my laptop daily and am forced to have to change it every single time i sign on, I am not so happy. In fact, that is an understatement, it has been going on so long now with apparently no way of removing the ebuddy virus, I am now pretty angry with ebuddy. What's more is, I know I am not the only one this happens to, from trawling through google searches and android forums, many people seem to be having this issue yet the best advice offered anywhere is "the app works well on your phone, so this is a small price to pay". Obviously missing the point, and since I don't even have the app on my phone anymore, it's even less a price worth paying.

No other app tries to infest other parts of my life, so why does ebuddy insist upon doing so?! I have emailed them and requested to know why I cannot get rid of this, but thus far, I have received no reply. There isn't even an option via the app, or their web page for the deletion of your "ebuddy id", which further annoyed me as it is the only thing I can see left which may prevent ebuddy from taking over my IM any longer!

Sunday 11 July 2010

World Cup 2010 South Africa


Ok well, with the World Cup all done and dusted I thought I would take a look back over some of the tournament ups and downs.

Firstly, I have been unimpressed by the tv coverage trying to make out that the tournament will somehow "help the African continent". All it has served to do is further oppress the poor and show how wasteful and vain the once idealistic nation has become already! Spending millions and m
illions and millions on new stadia which will never be used, at least for football, again is frankly dumb at best.

I will start low and finish on a good note :)

World Cup Lows

Being part Italian, I can't help but complain about our dire performance at these finals. Mainly, in my opinion, due to Lippi's late inclusion of the talented youngsters rather than letting them gel throughout qualifying. Aside from this, we were shat on from a great height by some poor linesmen, first in the New Zealand game when they were given a goal by a guy 2 yards offside inside the 6-yard box! Aw
ful decision, though on balance, the kiwis DID deserve their draw for their heroic second half defensive performance. We were also robbed against Slovakia by an English linesman (at which point i was forced to support the Germans to be a manifestation of karma vs England) who disallowed an equaliser scored by Quagliarella after which Slovakia scored again, as did we. In short, we was robbed!

From the off, the punditry at this tournament has been at best sickeningly poor. Adrian Chiles and Alan Shearer being the worst offenders, with everyone else not at all far behind. The lack of knowl
edge shown all round not only in terms of basic analysis, but the fact that not one of these so-called "experts" had bothered to do any research about the teams involved, especially earlier on in the tournament when the smaller nations were playing has been frankly astonishing. All too often we'd get a half time and post-match analysis which included no actual knowledge of who was playing and very often, not one players name was spoken, perhaps out of fear of saying it wrong, though this doesn't usually bother the English, as denoted by the commentary of these finals, equally poorly and with some shall we say "creative" pronunciations of players names. Usually commonly known, short named players. Very professional!

Shearer pictured here revelling in an octopus' infinitely more competent football knowledge.


My next gripe has been ITV's online coverage, the itv.live website which they have put up is atrocious! It is as resource hungry as the United Nations, and was the most laggy, poor stream I have ever encountered. For ITV games, I was forced to use the Scottish channel STV's stream as it was 100% better. As was all of BBC's online coverage.

As for the football itself, my only real gripes were the Portugal v Brazil game, which was slow, uninspiring and about as full of flair as a photocopy engineer called Colin from Swindon. I never want to see a game as poor as that again, and I guarantee I wont. Lightning does not strike twice as they say, and I hope!

The harshest thing for me was Slovenia not going through to the second round, only being denied by the USA scoring in the last minute of play in their game with Algeria. In my opinion, Slovenia were the best and most consistent performers in Group C.

I have been forced to eat several hats regarding the behaviour of the English fans. As far as I am aware, there was absolutely no trouble from them whatsoever. So fair play to them. However, I was much dismayed at their disgraceful display of disloyalty in booing the England players off the pitch after their game with Algeria. Ok England didn't play all that well, but you are at the World Cup, feel happy and proud you ungrateful sods! At least poor Rooney had the fortitude to speak his mind after giving his all for the team as always.

Did i mention the quality of the refereeing? No? Ok, don't get me started!

And onto the high points

My favourite moment during the whole finals has to be Marcel Desailly's celebration after Ghana scored against Serbia in their opening game talking about a tiny tv with 100 people gathered round and a chicken and a goat running about the place. Absolutely hilarious!



I was pleased that Ghana got so far too, they have been pretty consistent in major tournaments in recent years and seem to be becoming a regular knockout stage fixture. Uruguay also have impressed, they have played solid football and were pretty close to a place in the final, one of the true dark horses of the tournament.

Another fair play goes to South Africa for beating France to retain some national pride and dump out the nation who had cheated their way to the finals and played with all the passion of magnolia paint. France were not the only "big" nation to suffer some first round mayhem either, with Italy also crashing out and Spain and Germany both suffering losses at the group phase. A bit of pressure on the big teams always produces some good football and is infinitely more interesting than predictable results.

Aside from Desailly's comedy celebrations, Diego Maradona has provided many laughs with his seriously
bizarre antics on the sideline and his suit which makes him look like a 12 year old boy appearing in court in
his fat dad's suit. Good old Maradona, always good for a laugh. Manu Adebayor also provided some seriously quality entertainment talking in whatever language he was speaking. Could have done with subtitles many times watching him!


Goal of the tournament is hard, I cant decide between Siphiwe Tshabalala for the opening goal of the tournament vs Mexico. Fabio Quagliarella's superb lob against Slovakia. Luis Suarez's curled effort against the Koreans. Tevez's rocket to nail Mexico. And last but not least, Giovanni Van Bronckhorst's 18th minute screamer against Uruguay in the semi-final.

Game of the tournament has to be Portugal's footballing masterclass in beating North Korea 7-0 and still battling to get more right until the very final whistle.

Player of the tournament is probably David Villa, as he is the only reason Spain got to the final (aside from Puyol's 1 goal) among a tournament dominated more by close-knit teams overcoming odds though a special mention should go to Diego Forlan for his efforts, but for me, the player of the tournament was Bastian Schweinsteiger who had a completely flawless tournament for Germany.

Biggest let-down has to be Lionel Messi, a man who I have repeatedly called over rated. Seems I have been proven right, as when it mattered, he shrank and disappeared.

Most Epic Tackle Award goes to Nigel De Jong of Holland for his drop-kick into the chest of Alonso in the final. He can be proud of that challenge for the rest of his life. Special mention to Mark Van Bommel for his 8 thousand fouls for which he's only been booked twice somehow.

Biggest failure in football has to be Sepp Blatter for not allowing goal-line technology and then getting proved as wrong as Neville Chamberlain. I however also, don't want "goal-line technology", I am much more in favour of a video referee to perform the same duties as one would in rugby. It is efficient and accurate.

I am sitting, watching the final as I type and once again the right team will not win. Germany "should", and were good enough, to win this and the previous 2 World Cups as they once again have been by far the best team, showing in the maturity and quality in hammering one of the favourites, Argentina, into their coffins with their third 4-goal game.

As for the final itself, it was nervy, and tense, but Howard Webb and his cronies have completely ruined the game with that call for the corner. And guess what, same ref and same linesman who knocked Italy out. World Cup 2010 ends in disgrace and as for the punditry now post-match, licking Spain's arse, what team have they been watching? Spain have been far far from being the best team in this tournament and in this game. Tut tut tut.

Man of the match, Elijero Elia.

PS. can someone stick Webb's medal right up his arse please?!


oh and by the way, the octopus got it right.... wanker



Thursday 3 June 2010

England Football Fans


English football fans cook my swede for more reasons than i can shake a stick at. Firstly, why are they such loudmouthed wankers? England won ONE world cup, and have been probably the biggest underachievers in the history of the sport. The domestic league is the most over rated in the world closely followed by Spain's La Liga, so that's nothing to shout and holler about either. So why do they shout and whoop so bloody much?

Your stereotypical "England Fan" will be seen topless with bigger breasts than Jordan at the first glimpse of sunshine, usually sporting a fag and a can of lager in one hand, and a steak and kidney pie in the other while singing some song about one of their most accomplished players shagging his team mate's wife. He is usually bald/ing, fat, hairy and sporting several tattoos from 20 years ago which are now faded to large green blobs atop said man-breasts. He is outraged that any England poof might be booked or even tackled during a game and while watching
the match through a smoke filled, lard-faced, beer induced haze, will claim that the referee is both a wanker and blind. Though it must be said in his defence that he does not own a mirror, because they're for poofs, so he has slight mitigating circumstances on that front.

Further to being what is otherwise known as a fat, arrogant slob, the England fan will list players of every nationality imaginable and explain how you can't like him because he's an arrogant Frenchman etc. And, whilst being totally oblivious to the fact that their own league is not in the same class as most others, the England fan knows his sport inside out and world wide. He will list teams, players and coaches from any era in any country somehow. There had to be a saving grace didn't there?!

Another thing that winds me up about them, is the fact that they are that mentally retarded that they can perpetuate a myth surrounding a rumour that England shirts are being banned during the world cup and even get national newspapers in on the hysterical act. What idiot dreamed that one up?

This leads us on to the fast approaching world cup, where thousands of louts are going to descend on South Africa like a swarm of lager consuming locusts and immediately begin complaining that it's too hot, the pool isn't heated, the beer is warm, there's not enough beer, they're being shot at by locals, etc.


Then they will begin causing trouble on or around the day of their first match before claiming Capello is an idiot and needs to be sacked as soon as "the best England team for several generations" starts to show a lack of heart and loses a game. The sooner England are knocked out of the world cup, the better for everyone, because they just don't know how to appreciate it